Three Years Later

Happy P Day!

This week flew by. We were all still sick for a few days but mostly because we don’t give ourselves time to actually heal and then we go out and get poisoned by Iban food. It’s a vicious cycle. But I promise we are healthy or as close as it’s gonna get. Sister Wynn and I were on our bikes a lot this week. I don’t know if we just didn’t plan well or if people’s schedules didn’t work out or maybe both but we were biking all over Kuching it felt like. I didn’t mind a bit though. It’s nice to have some quiet and look at the big Malaysian sky and think about life and blah blah. And work on my watch tan line obviously. I’ve never had darker forearms in my life. What is happening to me.

During about an hour stretch of nothing but biking, I realized that this next week will be three years since I attempted suicide. WHAT?! How did that even happen. How did I get from there to Malaysia? It blows my mind that this is actually my life. I dont even like to think about how I felt at this time three years ago because it was such a dark place and it makes me a little sick when I think too long about it. But I hope I never forget how I felt at that point though, because it makes where I am now and where I’m headed so much better. I never thought I would be so grateful for those times I almost didn’t get through but that’s the only emotion I have right now. Pure gratitude.

I know if I didn’t make all the terrible stupid decisions I made or went through the crazy things that I did, I would not be here right now and I don’t even want to think about where I would be. All those experiences broke down my resistance, softened my rebellion and helped me humble myself and overcome my stubbornness (still working on that one) and eventually led me to being baptized and now serving a mission. I feel like I’m not even remotely the same person I was and I’m completely okay with that. I’m excited to change more while I am here. We are never ever done learning and growing. The more I have learned here, the more I want to share it with everyone.

I feel like Alma 36 is the story of my life at this point. He goes from being completely nakal, to feeling godly sorrow, to being filled with joy, to being a missionary! But he says it way better. Go read it. I have felt like I’ve moved through this chapter alongside Alma and I’ve now arrived at verse 24 :
“Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance, that I might bring them to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost. ”

This gospel has completely transformed my life and I know that it can change everyone. NO matter what you have been through, no matter how much pain you have felt or are feeling..there is nothing “so exquisite and as sweet” as the joy the gospel brings. I am so lucky to be here in Malaysia to do nothing but love these people until their eyes pop out.

I am so thankful for the life I have been given and to still be living it. I remember the first time I wrote that after getting out of the hospital and it felt like I was lying to myself. Now it could not be more true. The Atonement changes lives. My heart is so full!

Sorry that was long. Anyway, we go to Singapore on Wednesday for Zone Conference which should be a good time. Except for the fact Sister Wynn and I are teaching some half hour lesson about less active members and how we have had success getting them back to church. Someone shoot me. Hi I just got here let me teach you how to do missionary work that I have no idea how to do. Luckily Sister Wynn talks more than anyone on the face of the earth so she should be able to fill up some time. Pray that I don’t barf all over myself in front of everyone. That’s about it on this side of the world. Love and miss you all more than you know!

sister b


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